21 Signs of a Healthy Relationship, According to Therapists
Some of these may come naturally in a relationship while others require more effort.
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Whether you've been with your significant other for two months or twenty years, it's important to know the signs that you are in a healthy relationship. While keeping the spark alive and being physically attracted to your partner can help in this department, there are other components that should be considered, such as respecting boundaries, going on dates, being kind to each other and having honest and open conversations.
Luckily, many of these things often come as second nature for most couples; however, if they are non-existent, then there's always room to work together to improve your relationship, whether together or with a relationship coach or licensed therapist.
Ahead, we spoke with therapists and psychologists about the signs of a healthy relationship and how you can work on implementing them if you haven't already.
You can communicate in an effective and healthy way
One sign that you're in a healthy relationship is that you communicate in a healthy and effective way with your partner.
"This does not mean that you never argue with your significant other, but your communication is productive and not destructive," says Nichelle Serrano, a licensed associate counselor at Serenium Therapy and Wellness. "Healthy communication should always consist of honesty without the intention to hurt or place blame but instead, with the intention to communicate wants, needs or feelings in a way that works towards a solution or compromise."
You can compromise with each other
In your relationship, your needs or wants will not always align with your partner which is where the ability to compromise matters. "Being able to sacrifice occasionally shows maturity and allows all partners to feel heard, seen and respected, even if you're not always getting exactly what you want," says Serrano.
You respect each others boundaries
With all the talk of boundaries these days, respecting your partner's boundaries is no different. "Setting boundaries in relationships shows security and allows each of you to stay true to your own needs and wants in a way that respects the relationship and yourself. This also helps to prevent a codependent and controlling dynamic," says Serrano.
You can handle and repair conflicts effectively
In close relationships, there will be conflicts and being able to repair rifts is critical to a healthy relationship, according to Jennifer Veilleux, licensed clinical psychologist and author of Open to Emotion: How Acknowledging, Understanding, and Regulating Your Feelings Can Improve Your Mental Health. "Some of this comes down to being able to express your concerns in a clear but non-attacking way. For instance, when trying to express emotions, you can say, "when you did X, I felt Y" rather than saying "You made me feel Y because you always do X!"
You feel physically and emotionally safe
If you don't feel safe in your relationship, then it's probably not a healthy one. According to Daniel Olavarría, licensed clinical social worker and founder of The City Psychotherapy, being in a relationship where both emotional and physical safety are a reliable constant sets the stage for other key elements of a healthy relationship.
You can be yourself around your significant other
If you are able to be your true self around your partner, then you're probably in a healthy relationship. "If you feel the need to mask or be inauthentic, the connection becomes strained over time, often leading to dysfunction and disconnection," says Celina Serna, licensed clinical social worker and program director at Clear Behavioral Health.
There's an even division of labor
According to Dr. Veilleux, in a healthy relationship, labor and tasks need to feel somewhat equitable among both people even if the actual tasks are not even. "For some it means a 50-50 split in childcare, elder care, household tasks, etc while for others it means splitting things up based on time, skill, or preference."
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You are supportive of each other
It’s completely normal to have different interests than your partner and frankly there’s no need for you to be heavily involved in all aspects of each others lives. "That said, some level of curiosity and being supportive of your partner’s interests is an indication of an appreciation and embracing your partner for all that they are," says Dr. Olavarría.
You listen to each other
According to Reesa Morala, licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Embrace Renewal Therapy, in a healthy relationship, you and your partner are interested in listening to each other's thoughts, feelings, and opinions from a place of curiosity and wanting to understand. "The listening isn't happening for ulterior motives like being able to respond, retort, or prove the other wrong," she tells Good Housekeeping.
You create goals together
It's important to have in-depth conversations about your future goals, what your values are, and what you want out of life.
"In healthy relationships, partners continue to check-in with each other about their goals, and how they view their future; and they work together to set their own collective relationship goals," says Leanna Stockard, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Illinois, New Hampshire, and Massachusetts. "These check-in conversations help create shared meaning in the relationship, and allow you to work together on setting these new goals."
You express gratitude and appreciation for each other
Life is hard, and relationships should in theory make life easier although though sometimes they are the source of conflict. "Showing appreciation for the things your partner does (even if they are agreed upon tasks) feels good for them, and taking the time to appreciate your partner helps you, too," says Dr. Veilleux.
You can be affectionate and intimate with each other
While people may show their love and appreciation in different ways, Ashwini Nadkarni, board-certified psychiatrist and assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, says it's critical to have a deep sense of connection and closeness in healthy relationships.
You can spend time apart from each other
The ability to be both together and apart ensures both relational and personal efficacy, according to Morgan Cope, assistant professor of psychology at Centre College. "Partners can be teammates and individual players, even if it ultimately feels better to be together," she explains. "The connection you can foster with a partner that promotes your freedom to make personal choices is one that can express love and provide support even when it means making alterations to relationship functioning or dynamics."
You are still you outside of your relationship
As important as it is to maintain your sense of self within your relationship, showing up as yourself in the world is important too. "You must be able to maintain, and even expand, your relationship to the outside world as you wish," says Dr. Cope. "This could look like maintaining social circles and friendships, staying engaged in personal hobbies or communities, participating in new activities, meeting new friends with or without your partner, staying connected to family or close support, and more."
You talk positively about each other in front of others
Banter is fun and teasing one another is not inherently wrong in a relationship, but you'll want to proceed with caution. Dr. Olavarría says it should feel clear to both partners that you are each other’s biggest cheerleaders, not each other’s punchlines whenever you have an audience.
You can laugh together
Shared laughter and humor are strong indicators of trust and vulnerability. "The presence of inside jokes and a shared sense of comedic relief can foster sustainability and growth," says Madhuri Jha, licensed clinical social worker and clinical advisor at Psych Hub.
You show empathy and encourage your partner
This may seem self-explanatory, but in a healthy relationship, partners validate each others accomplishments and help each other feel supported when challenges come their way, says Dr. Nadkarni.
You feel like you have a choice
In a healthy relationship, Dr. Cope says you should feel that your involvement and commitment is your choice and that even despite alternatives, you choose to keep loving them. "Any other condition is conditional love," she explains.
You can have difficult conversations
In a healthy relationship, you are able to have difficult conversations. "Avoiding difficult conversations often results in built-up frustrations and resentments, which can be relationship-killers," Dr. Olavarría explains.
You continue to invest in the relationship
According to Stockard, a sign of a healthy relationship is a your ability to continue to prioritize the relationship and to continue dating to try to “keep the spark alive.”
"Prioritizing the relationship can look different for every couple, for instance, it could be “smaller” things like playing games together at dinner time, having a conversation without phones, or holding hands while watching a movie," she explains. "It could also include intentionality with prioritizing date nights every other week, taking a weekend away together, or going on vacation once a year."
RELATED: Fun and Romantic Indoor Date Night Ideas for Couples to Enjoy
Casey Clark is a freelance consultant who is interested in beauty, health, and style-related commerce content. She learned from Hofstra University with a degree in journalism. Her work has been published in Women's Health, Better Homes & Gardens, and more.
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